starting weight

I actually weigh less than I thought - or what my home scales tell me. Not by much, but I think I'll take it.

My starting weight is 20st 11lbs. My 5% goal is 19st 11lbs, and my 10% is 18st 11lbs. It's quite scary to write it all down, but I suppose if it's in writing, there is no escaping it.

The leader, Deborah - is really nice, thankfully. She's young, fresh and very informative. She reminds me of a younger version of my old leader Lisa, so I'm very happy with that. Lisa was a great source of inspiration for me when I was doing it in Norwich.

Day 1 was fine - fortunately I had a Sainsbury's shop arriving first thing in the morning before I got to work so I was able to quickly make some things up to grab and go. On the other side, I really didn't think through my meal plans adequately enough which never helps. I wanted other bits but I was busy thinking of A and what he could eat (he won't eat anything I would cook, that much I know). It's not too much of a bother - I live five minutes walk away from Tesco and I can go tomorrow - today I'm just too lazy. Running up and down stairs all day makes you rather lethargic ;)

Today I was on campus for 6 hours - learning really helps for me because there is no margin for error - if you pack right, then you eat right. It also helps me to go out with no cash other than enough for a cup of coffee - that way I can't indulge in the canteen goods. It's hard, as the cooks are really accomplished and a lot of the food looks a million times better than the stuff we were thrown when I was at college ten years ago.  I had a few comments as to whether I was dieting, but it hasn't been a massive secret that I've wanted to do it - I've mentioned it a few times in passing.

Campus life also gives me a source of motivation. I'm a mature student, and a great deal of the demographic there are 18-21, ie; youthful, slim, intelligent....you get the drift. There is nothing like a swift kick up the jacksy if you're feeling a bit discouraged.

Today I've had a nice bowl of cinnamon and apple porridge, some pitta bread with ham and a very random concoction of pasta, chicken and a variety of veg, with philadephia sweet chilli mixed in. It was really delightful and I could have eaten more...obviously!

Tonight I'm home alone - so in theory I should be cracking on with various theories and mindmapping some ideas for an assignment - but after 6 hours of solid study my brain is a bit frazzled. I had a bath and will go for a cigarette and crack on....

judgement day...

...very spooky title.

So yes, today is the day. The day when I've decided to overhaul my lifestyle. I can appreciate some people can be blind to the unhealthy ways in which they live, but unfortunately, I cannot. I cannot sit back and kill myself, it's just not possible.

I'm hungry at the moment and that's fine. I need to learn that hunger isn't a bad thing, and that I'm not going to die. I have food in the house - if it became a life and death situation I can eat. This is something I've learnt from the Beck Diet Solution - it's okay to be hungry. Thin people are often hungry, and it is the cue to eat. So many times recently, I've realised I've eaten because I feel I should (time, food in the house, boredom) rather than the signals my body is giving me. A human can go 6-8 weeks without food, and there are thousands of starving people throughout the world. Me putting off eating for two or three hours in essence, is of very little consequence.

I need to make this a mantra, and write it down somewhere on a sticky note where I can put it on the fridge and the cupboards. If I'm on plan, I'm very good. If I'm off it, I'm terrible. I need to learn not to think about it so much - which is sort of ironic considering I am writing this blog - therefore I'm thinking of it, no? But writing these thoughts helps me. It's a distraction in the very early days, the days where everything seems insurmountable. Maybe I should do a diet where there are no massive restrictions. Maybe I should do something where I know I can eat something of "free" value that will not affect ketosis, or carbohydrate levels. But then those diets I've done before, unsuccessfully. I clearly need something that takes those options out of the equation.

I'm probably going to be here quite a lot, rambling away....

O&O xox